Last moments of my 20's

In less than two hours, I will officially be 30 years old. How very crazy. And, I am totally ready. The twenties were great. So great. I got to see three new continents, got two degrees, and learned way more than I ever wanted to about relationships. I also gained a nephew and many friends and some work experience. I may be saying good-bye to being a twenty-something, but I am very much looking forward to being a thirty-something.
Good-bye 29! It's been fun!

Because what else would I do?

Just sitting here having a traditional tax-day dinner -- macaroni & cheese and jelly beans with diet coke. That is the traditional April 15th fare, isn't it?

Making up for lost time

Not a day goes by that I don't think of something I want to blog about. Unfortunately, many days go by when I don't actually get those thoughts out onto the screen, though. So, what follows is basically a brain dump of the things rolling through my head the last few days.

• This has been a month of reconnecting with long lost friends. First, thanks to the wonders of facebook, I was reconnected with my friend Jess from high school. I had looked for her on and off for the last 10 years or so and am SO thrilled to be back in contact with her. She's just one of those incredible women that you can't help but love and respect! Anyways, her blog is linked here as "long lost Jess". Very cool.
  
• Then, my friend Wynette from college randomly commented on my blog last week after being out of touch for a good 8 years or so. Turns out she's married with 4 kids! I guess a lot changes in 8 years! She's linked now, too. See "long lost Wynette".
  
• I happened to be flipping through some tv tonight and heard this on (of all places) Desperate Housewives. One of the women said, "Church is a place for answers, not questions". Oh my. What a horrible way to try to travel on a faith journey! With suppressed questions? I probably have more questions now than I had 10 years ago, but I also have more faith. I believe a church, or the global church, is not living up to its full potential if questions and doubts aren't welcomed with open arms. Just a thought.
• Pick-up line of the day I was walking Jones today and I thought I'd just stop and get some Chinese food, but when I got there, I was concerned about leaving Jones outside so I was stalling on the sidewalk. There was a parked car beside me with the window down, but I wasn't paying much attention. Then a guy inside the car said, "Excuse me." When I turned around he said, "Will you walk me later?" It took me a good 2-3 seconds to even realize what he was saying. And, then I just had to laugh. I didn't have the quick wit to rebut with a comment about a leash or picking up poop, but that's really probably for the best.
  

Thoughts walking from the Hirshhorn

Quitting my job was one of the best things I ever did. I feel more like myself now than I have for a long time. Today I was just so happy and content and I don't know... I just felt like "Hyla!" And, I was funny, too. I am a funny girl. fuu--nnny.

I love my temp job. The organization is great and does great stuff, has a great office environment and culture (can we say soft and natural light and live plants?) and I've really enjoyed what I've been doing thus far.

This city does have its charms. I can't deny it. The capitol, the monument, the memorials.... it was all beautiful to take in while I was walking to and from the Hirshhorn tonight. The capitol is almost welcoming at night. With no tourists staggering around, it's actually quite beautiful and serene.

Roller Coaster ride

A smattering of the events in my life over the last few days:
- temp job started
- found out that 6 week temp job will only be 2 weeks
- had culture shock of being under utilized
- same temp job unexpectedly ended
- turned down for one job (it went to someone more junior -- geesh)
- rent and bills due
- minor freakout
- frantically try to figure out how to make some money
- decided that tomorrow I need to go to TJs and ask if I can work there again
- got a new temp job offer that starts tomorrow (preempting my need to beg for my TJs job) and pays more than the original one that I lost

Geesh. That was a lot to handle in 4 days. But, through it all, God is good. And, it looks like I'll be able to pay rent for another month. I'll keep you updated!

I couldn't make this stuff up if I could tried

As we all know, I’m unemployed these days. So, the idea of making a few extra bucks is appealing. Yesterday, a friend of mine, came up to me and said, “Hey, would you be interested in doing some data entry to make some extra money? I randomly met this guy and he seems legit… just needs some help on a project.” I said, “Sure” and took the business card and called him on my way to my interview.

I should have trusted my instincts. When someone seems crazy on the phone, they probably are. He insisted he needed help right that minute and that I should meet him at the coffeehouse (he just happened to pick Ebenezers – thank god!) right after my interview. I thought, “well he sounds a little crazy, but I’ll meet with him, agree on terms, get some work to do at home and be on my way”.

As I was walking up to the coffeehouse, I saw him through the window and I just KNEW that was him. He was crazed scientist meets passionate activist meets unwise dresser. He had at least three bags with him and each of them had labels pasted on them with his contact info announcing “Big Reward if Returned!!”. Buttons and stickers declaring his political positioning and conspiricist leanings were dispersed among his attire and belongings. Yup, I’d hit the crazy jackpot. (bearing in mind of course, that I am largely afraid of the uber-political types that litter this city)

But, I couldn’t back out now. I had to at least introduce myself. I’m not entirely sure how this happened, but rather than him giving me work to do at home, he had me stay there with him and work on the project right there. I ended up not only doing data entry, but also editing a grant proposal for his left-leaning project (and by left-leaning, I mean buried deep in a well of left). After a battery of questions to try to pull me over to his conspiracy theory side, I eventually convinced him to let me take some work with me and brainstormed the whole way home how I could bow out gracefully.

So, this morning, I woke up early to finish the project and wash my hands of the whole thing. What was waiting for me in my inbox? An email telling me I was brilliant and that he really enjoyed working with me. AND… he was staying out in the suburbs today and didn’t know if he would be able to make it in today, but would I be interested in coming out and spending some time with him as he would “make it worth my while with both presents and presence”. He followed this with several questions about my personal interests and asked me if I wanted to go swing dancing some time. (Several friends stopped and said hi while I was working and two mentioned swing dancing.) Oh my oh my oh my.

Just too much

I feel immense amounts of guilt for not updating my blog in the wake of all the recent change in my life, but somehow the first week of unemployed life has not been the slow, leisurely life I was anticipating. Instead, the last four days have been an absolute blur of sending out resumes and job-related emails, meetings, preparing for interviews and filling out applications. Yes, filling out applications. I'm going to formalize my pet-peeve in an attempt to upgrade it to a grievance. If I submit a resume, cover letter, professional references and a color-coded file of blood relatives, do I really need to fill out a four page application, too? It would be one thing to fill something out asking for unique information, but the bulk of them ask for employment history, skills and references. Really? I just gave you my resume. Are you even going to read this? I understand that it is just part of procedure, but I find it irritating. I could have made a new connection or applied for another job in the time I spent filling out each application. Ok, end rant.

So, here's my current situation. The last day of my job at the Master Chorale was on Friday. I'm spending this week and part of next looking for a new job and then on Thursday, I'll be starting a temp job that could last about 6 weeks. This is good. This will give me a little time to find something.
I thought when I walked out of the office on Friday, I would feel incredibly free, but it turns out that I didn't really feel much of anything. In fact, I was wondering for much of last week if I made the right decision. However, this week, I'm feeling much better and I know I made the right decision and I'm sure I'll find something soon.
Well, I have two interviews tomorrow so I'd better go. I have plenty of website reading to do. (and, wardrobe planning!!)

Some things to ponder

It takes a great suit to run with the big dogs, but people in nonprofits change the world everyday wearing jeans. The lesson to be learned? If you want to change the world, get comfortable.

This morning the escalator opposite mine broke down with a full load of people on it. No one moved. They just stayed on the step they were already standing on. Some of them were only a few steps from the top. "They're stairs, people. Walk up them!"

People are funny

I love people
until they disappoint me or
display an annoying idiosyncrasy or
assert their own free will
when I don't want to grant it

I want people to need me
until my mood doesn't match their need or
their mood doesn't match my need or
I feel smothered
when I'm actually looking for fresh air

I want to care about people
until that means inconveniencing me or
making me feel things I don't want to feel or
making me think things I don't want to think
when all I really wanted was to hug someone

I want to be admired
until I have to live up to someone's expectation or
exceed their expectation or
impress someone new and all of a sudden
I'm all alone with my independence

I want to spin around with my arms spread wide
until I feel nothing at all and
I feel everything
all at the same time

I want to fall asleep on the diagonal using all of the pillows
I want to fall asleep feeling him right beside me
I want to wake up alone everyday
I never want to wake up alone again

Monday

Song of the Day: Locomotion (because it's stuck in my head)
Accomplishment of the Day: Getting up early enough to swim at Takoma this morning. (The pool there is awesome!)
Tattoo of the Day: The DC flag on the calf of the guy swimming next to me at the pool.
Pick-up Line of the Day: "Excuse me. Do you know when the next presidential debate is?" (Sadly, it worked.)

Today's goals

1 - Write letter of resignation. I still haven't given written notice so that needs to happen today.
2 - Start the job search balls rolling again. Send in applications for at least 2 positions.
3 - Fight restlessness. I am very anxious for spring to be here! I want to just go out and hang out on the mall or walk around until I'm so tired I have to either drag myself home or find a bus to carry my tired carcass home. But, alas, it is not warm enough for that yet.
4 - Clean kitchen.
5 - Shake my fist at Target for being so bloody inconvenient for me to get to without a car.

Lots of news

This week has been nothing if not eventful! I had a good interview for a job here in DC (well, sort of) on Monday. Hopefully, I should hear about that this coming week.
Then, on Wednesday, I closed the door on the gig in California. I had been negotiating a position there and it just wasn't shaping up to be the opportunity I needed. So, I closed that off. That was hard. I was sitting at my desk smiling and crying all at the same time. I am so happy to be here with so many of my friends, my church and of course, Chris. But, I also LOVE San Francisco and it's hard to imagine living my whole life without at least a few more years there. Apparently, now is not the time, though. I am happy to have some certainty... I know I'm staying here... I'm not moving anywhere right now.
And, today. Well, I did something that many would find crazy, but I needed to do it. I resigned my position today, effective mid-March. It not only frees me from something I needed to get away from, but it also lights the necessary fire under my butt to find a new position. But, like I said, perhaps I'll get the job I interviewed for this week.
Well, I'm off. Gail will be landing in DC soon for our annual weekend extravaganza! Yay!

Weird tune stuck in my head

Today, I have this bizarro tune stuck in my head. And, tonight, I realized what it is. It's the tune from a music box my grandmother had when I was a child. I used to play it every time I went to visit. There was something refreshingly familiar and nostalgic about having that song in my brain. Nice.

Waiting for Godot

I was sitting here tonight, in the middle of a mountain of folded laundry, waiting for a specific email and all of a sudden I felt like that was a microcosm of my whole life. Lately, I've been feeling like I'm continually waiting for something. I've been waiting to see if I am indeed moving to California. I've been waiting on this job prospect or that one. I was waiting for a while to "actually" be dating Chris. And, then tonight, I was waiting for the proposal to show up in my inbox. All the while, I'm surrounded by clean, folded laundry... real life... my now life.

To date, I haven't allowed myself to start going through my stuff in preparation for a move or start cleaning out my desk or to fall in love. But, at some point, I have to stop waiting and go on living -- forward.

The sky is falling!!

Or, at least my ceiling, apparently... this is what I came home to tonight after the orchestra!

A new kitchen!!

I came out into the kitchen this morning and there was a brand new stainless steel refrigerator and stove and the cabinets had been ripped out to be replaced with new ones. And, oddly, the blue and green stripes were now horizontal instead of vertical... weird. I thought, "Sweet! A new kitchen!"

And, then I woke up.

Problem!

Ok, folks, we've got a problem. Valentine's Day. I've never been non-single for Valentine's Day... well, at least not non-single and non-long-distance. But, we haven't been dating very long. So, what to do, what to do. I don't feel like the kind of girl that celebrates Valentine's Day, but I think the boy may feel differently. How to not do too much, not do too little!!??? I would be happy making some yummy soup and chatting away, but I feel like that's a little under the bar. Oh, what to do, what to do.
Suggestions, anyone?

Notes from the desert

Hello from Maricopa, Arizona! I'm spending a few days with the family out in the desert. What a great little getaway! I didn't spend the holidays with any family this year so it's good to get out here and catch up. I don't get a ton of time with my brother Scott and sis-in-law, Caryl, but I absolutely adore them and my time with them is so cherished! Last night, I took them out for a yummy dinner (with several wine courses, of course) and fabulous conversation. It was awesome to just have some good heart-to-heart time with two of my favorite people!
And, my nephew, Johnny has been SO fun. The last time I saw him, he was pretty shy, but this time, he hangs out with me, curls up in my lap and talks my ear off! It's pretty cool.
In other news, my dad is still breathing. Under the circumstances, I'll consider that a success!

Double Mountain Day

I feel like I climbed two mountains today!
This morning, I swam a 500 for the first time. That felt amazing! Just to know I can push my body and accomplishing more physically is so great. For so many years, I was the complete opposite of an athlete, but now I am finally at a place where I'm actually accomplishing something in a workout. I've come a long way baby.

Mountain 2: I conquered the ftp mystery and got everything uploaded on the website. That may not sound like much, but being that I had to figure it out all on my own and that 24 hours ago, I couldn't get into the ftp at all, it is giant! I actually jumped up and down and clapped to celebrate when I finished. And, I still got home by 8:30... nice!

Reflections on 2007

I've finally stopped trying to make New Year's resolutions as I tend to only disappoint myself partway through the year. So, instead, I will take some of my first waking moments in 2008 to reflect on how I changed and grew in 2007. (Wow, I still can't quite believe it's over.) Around Christmas, I started really thinking about what of significance happened in 2007 and a few things popped into my mind.
Perhaps the most drastic change was professionally. I'm still in the same position I was at the beginning of 2007, but I have grown leaps and bounds in my professional life. I'm not entirely sure if I can describe this change in words. I just have such a greater understanding of marketing than I had last year as well as experience working at every level in a small non-profit to implement it. I'm also learning, gradually, how to successfully operate in the professional world -- how to make valuable connections with people in the professional realm, how to negotiate business and bring people into your circle to both advance your mission and theirs. Seemingly basic skills, but I can feel how invaluable they will be to me for a lifetime.
I also had the opportunity to take a non-profit gala-esque event from start to finish. Although it wasn't quite as successful as I had first hoped, I'm proud of working through all of the planning, negotiation and execution of that event. Event planning is labor intensive, but I really enjoy it.
On a more personal note, though, I finally started being aggressive about paying down my debts. It feels so good to be moving toward greater fiscal responsibility.
My greatest achievement this year, though, is somewhat intangible, but was a great breakthrough for me. I finally figured out how to spend time with my family (esp. at home in PA) in a way that is enjoyable and meaningful without the frustrating feeling that I don't belong. I realized that when I go to spend time with my family, I just have to drop my usual life and be entirely in the moment. The last few times I've seen my parents and my brother (& his family), it's been really great. When I allow myself to just be a part of their life and realize that relationship is so much more about them than about me, it's suddenly a great time of discovering them in new and deeper ways and not at all about me maintaining whatever level of accomplishment, distance or "hipness" I fancy myself to have. My times with my family this year have been some of the most meaningful times of my life.
So, Happy New Year! Here's to all we will learn and experience in 2008!