I'm going to do one of my typically cryptic personal posts. Today is Easter. Easter is supposed to be filled with joy. And, it was joyful. But there was some sorrow, too. Although, by the time I was 15 or so, I started to be disillusioned and began to perceive that there was some sort of uniqueness about me that was going to pervade my relational life, when I was a truly small girl, I thought the fairytale would be for me. The fairytale where you grow up (well-educated, strong-willed and totally capable of surviving on your own, of course), meet someone who "gets" you at the deepest level, get married, have/adopt an adorable, well-behaved child and live happily ever after. Of course, I believe Easter is about Christ, but after Christ, it's also about kids. But, my Easter activities were noticeably devoid of children and full of adults.
I also didn't know there would be so much heartache in the story. I never imagined that I would come home alone at 30, try to convince my mind to stop thinking and eventually fall asleep with tears in my eyes. I didn't think that love was complicated. I wish someone had told me that relationships can be really complicated and they may make your life less simple, even more difficult that it was previously. So, you should make very wise and prudent choices. And, then I think that I wouldn't want to trade any of my experiences away for the world.
When I was 25, I made a list of goals to accomplish by 30. One of the goals/hopes was to be married. I turn 31 this week. I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed! Don't get me wrong. There are many many days when I love being single and can appreciate all of the luxuries I have because I am single. It's just that today is not one of them.
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